Another draft I found...
Last week at church someone got up and talked about how difficult marriage was. She preached about how others don't need to hear about your problems, only He does. How even though sometimes you ask yourself "why did I ever marry him?" you have to dig deep to find the answer. I had a hard time concealing my emotions. Was she being serious? Was she really getting up in front of the entire congregation and basically announcing that she was having marital problems? And why was no one else shocked at this situation?
This is how I see it: Imagine a situation wherein you get to pick your co-worker. You can take as long as you want to find the 'perfect' one. You can even test out the relationship by spending a lot of time together before you actually offer them the job. What are some things you want in a co-worker who you will be working with for the rest of your life? Dependability, honesty, humor, agreeableness, conciesousness, communication, the list goes on and on. What will you need from your co-worker so you can be the best you can be? For me, I need (in no particular order) to be able to laugh, be comfortable, be praised, be respected, be cared about, be listened to, be relied on, be involved, be talked to, again - the list goes on and on. Now you want to make sure you will be able to provide for your co-worker what they feel is important as well. So you should definitely have that conversation before the job is offered. Keep in mind, this 'co-worker' is going to be in your life forever.
I'm not saying that finding an eternal companion should be about checklists and selfishness but I certainly am not a believer in the 'follow your heart' mush that is too often portrayed in society (and I'm not just blaming the media). And no, I don't feel that I'm being hypocritical. I know I have the mushy, fairy tale love and I'll tell the world about it. But I think my realistic attitude about marriage has helped me find that.
Dr. Phil actually does have some good insights. One time I heard him say that you're unhappy when your realities don't meet your expectations. And I agree with that. If you expect marriage to be all bliss and honeycombs - when you have your first fight, the first words that come out of your mouth with be, "I didn't sign up for THIS". However if you have realistic expectations - "I love this man. I know we each have opinions and our own minds and we will each use them - that's just another reason why I love him. Sure, we'll have fights but everyone does and if we communicate effectively we will only grow closer from the experience. We have taken the time to get to know each other enough that I know he has the same goals and beliefs about life that anything else I learn about him will only bring us closer." Please keep in mind that these expectations are for both members of the couple. No matter how great one spouse is - it is impossible for one person to give the 200% required to have a successful marriage.
I guess it touched me so much because I'm so lucky to have a man who's stuck with me forever who already knows me so well and is already so stinkin' wise. I don't believe in soul mates but there's no doubt in my mind that we were made for each other.
Although I took a VERY long time to try and decide what my favorite memory was, I finally decided that those kind of favorites also change with time. 5 years ago it would have been when I met my 'BFF' (cheesy - I know) by having a water fight with some crazy girl I hardly knew. 4 years ago it would have been when Ben so eloquently and innocently asked me if we could start dating. 2 years ago it would have been the ridiculous soda throwing fight I had with Ben that made me realize I couldn't live without him. I've had a wonderful life thus far and I know it's only going to get better as Ben and I progress out of our honeymoon phase. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being Ben's only 'girl' - I was actually selfish enough to have a conversation with him where I made it clear that when we have a little girlchild - I still want to be his one and only 'girl'. That's just another testament to how completely unprepared I am to start having children:)
On that note... I actually think my favorite memory as of this moment is when Ben and I visited Fern and Dereck in the hospital where they had just welcomed the newest little addition into their family. Emma Elizabeth Hooley. It was the first time I actually felt natural holding a newborn. Normally I shy away from them - I prefer toddlers that can fall and not break. Ben and I talked about my change in attitude which led into a conversation about family planning. He mentioned that he's always been ready to have a family with me. But he also knows me well enough to know that if he had pushed me AT ALL about having babies before I was ready, I would have gone all Rosie the Riveter on his behind. And who knows where we would have been. Maybe it doesn't sound sweet to anyone else but me, but I love that he knows me well enough to know when to push and when to be patient and let/help me reach conclusions on my own. What a guy... what a guy
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